Being With Dying

BEING WITH DYING” is a phrase that aptly describes the human condition.
We may be unique among species in being aware of our mortality. Although
the capacity to contemplate death is an essential human trait, most people
actively eschew thinking about how their life might end.
While the dominant orientation of Western culture toward death is
avoidance, for over 2,500 years Buddhists have studied the question of how
one can best live in the presence of death. In a sense, a life-threatening
injury or disease makes Buddhists of us all, waking us from the illusion of
immortality, suddenly and from that time forth. From the moment of
diagnosis, death becomes the bell that won’t stop ringing. Like a dreaded
phone call, we can try to avoid it, but the noise is always there. We can
distract ourselves with medical information and frenetic activity. We can
drink or take drugs to muffle the peal, but at quiet moments we can always
hear its ring. Ultimately, usually reluctantly, we find that only by answering
the call can we hope to silence the shrill bell within.
Life-threatening illness calls us to a place—metaphorically a desert or
mountain peak—where, as we sit, the hard wind of reality strips away all
the trappings of life, like so much clothing, makeup, and accessories. We
are left naked, only “me” with my in-breath and out-breath in this moment,
here and now. Illness reveals that at every moment of every day we are—
and have always been—merely a heartbeat away from death. This
incontrovertible fact need not be depressing. Instead, as Roshi Joan Halifax
eloquently conveys in this remarkable book, our readiness to die can inform
and enliven how we live and how we relate to one another.
Sitting with just our breath, we may find that in losing all that we have
associated with life, we discover anew life within us—raw, elemental, and
pure. It is not easy. The disruptions of illness can be terrifying. Guidance is
welcome from someone like Roshi Joan, who is familiar with this